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3.3.2 Anger Management

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3.3.2 Anger Management

You should teach your team members the value of expressing negative emotions in healthy ways. People are often afraid to express their feelings because they do not want to be alienated from people. However, if they learn that they can open the door for good communication by communicating their frustration and anger constructively, they will be more open to expressing their emotions. 

Teach them to be assertive, not aggressive, in their interpersonal style. Being aggressive and demanding things makes the other person defensive because they feel attacked. Being assertive, however, respects others’ dignity and shows them that you care and are not trying to degrade them. This does not make them feel attacked and they are more likely to show sensitivity to your needs.

Teaching team members to use a script like the following ‘I – statement’  can help them express their feelings instead of suppressing them:

‘I feel (emotion) when you (behaviour), because (reason). I would appreciate it if you would (rectify behaviour).’

The order in which you say the parts of the ‘I’ message does not matter, as long as you include its components:

ComponentAction
WhenDescribe the person’s behaviour in an objective, non-judgmental manner.
EffectsDescribe the effects of the person’s behaviour.
I FeelSay how the person’s behaviour makes you feel.
I Would PreferTell the person what you want or what you prefer they do.